Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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