It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
