WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
