That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can text with my tongue
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
