when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
