Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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