after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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