The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
