Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
