i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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