You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Boobs speak an international language.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
