i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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