We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
