everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
