Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
