All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
