i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to calm my uterus...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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