ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
