just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
