Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
