cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
