Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
