He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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