I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
