i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
