She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
