Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
