apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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