He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
