Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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