Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
