don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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