just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
