Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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