dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
