She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i believe in u and ur pee
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
