I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
