Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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