I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
