I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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