that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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