just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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