OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
