Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
