I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
