So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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