Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Are my feet made of real feet?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
