Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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