so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
