Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
