I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
