Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
