We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
