I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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