Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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