just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
