I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
